how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
