At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
