I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
