I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
