there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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