how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
