I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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