I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
We're too hungover to prance.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
