That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
