Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
