I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
