In America we eat man semen.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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