I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
