His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
