I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
