he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
