dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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