A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize