I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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