a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
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I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
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To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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