drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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