fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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