Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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