Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I love you. Go after that dick
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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