I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
