You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
