She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
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