my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
