I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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