I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
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He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
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told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.