please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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