So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
