i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
