Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Randomize
