somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
