it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My boob is missing a layer of skin
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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