I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
look no pants
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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