if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
