You made me cry and you don't even care
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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