My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
