That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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