So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
