I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
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I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
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I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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