Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
