see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
