This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm at about main and main street
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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