Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
