I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
