Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize