Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
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sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
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So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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