he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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