he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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