I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
