I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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