I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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