Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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