this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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