I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
