I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize