You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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