Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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