I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
