Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
