hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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