Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
