I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
