would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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