I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Can i not drive my cunt home
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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