You work out of a Hotel?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
