omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
