he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
