if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
