I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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