man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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