Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
