You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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