yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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